I am always finding bruises all over myself and have no idea where they come from. What's more, I've started making mental notes, and not so mental comments to myself and husband when I run into things. I'll bash into the coffee table or a desk and say, ow! holy whatensuch and other shorter, four-letter type words, and then tell husband or whoever happens to be nearby (because I rarely do these things when there isn't at least one person around to witness the extent of my coordination deficiency), that "hey, I'll have a bruise there later." But here's the really crazy part, I rarely actually end up with a bruise from those events which I notate! Or maybe I do, but my attention span for bruise development is severely limited...I'm not sure. All I know is when I think I'll end up with a bruise, I rarely witness one come to pass, but then other times I'll catch a glimpse of one, or I'll touch one I didn't know was there, and have NO CLUE where it came from!
This all had a point, I'm sure that's hard to believe. Last week, I think it was last week, I noticed I had a severely dark and intense looking bruise on the back of my arm. This thing was good, deep purple about the size of a half-dollar (do people even know what those are anymore?) and looked suspiciously like a large thumb (as if someone grabbed me). For those of you who don't know I am a counselor for domestic violence offenders, and I have become much more aware of domestic violence as well as things that can be construed as domestic violence. No, husband does not beat me. But I am increasingly concerned that someone is going to think I'm one of those counselors with similar issues of my own and this is only fueled by the appearance of bruises I cannot explain! Needless to say I did my best to hide my arms last week at work. I did wear a t-shirt under a sweater though one day and my supervisor noticed the bruise so of course I'm all, "IHAVENOIDEAWHEREITCAMEFROM ISN'TTHATWEIRD?" She wasn't nearly as concerned about it as I was, which I have to admit was kind of a let down after I built it all up in my head. I guess I expected like an intervention or something. But alas no, no unnecessary intervention for me.
Oddly enough, that was also not my primary inspiration for this post. Although, that's sort of a lie, it has a similar theme in the mysterious bruise area of things. My inspiration is a totally un-mysterious bruise I have forming on my right butt cheek. I have no pictures as of yet, but I cannot promise there won't be any, I can promise I will edit out anything that could visually prove the location of the bruise. Anyway, the punch line is I have learned definitively that I cannot read and walk down stairs. I am as surprised by this as anyone who may read this and actually knows me might be, that I did not know that about myself before now. The story is not all that exciting, partly because I don't really remember what happened. But I was walking down to our laundry room and I was reading the packaging on something and I guess, missed a step? Thought a step was bigger than it was? Decided to try my hand at levitation? Either way I went down and hit at least 2 steps with my rear before coming to a stop. And now, to show (or not to show) for it, I cannot sit strait and have a lovely bruise developing that I really kinda want to show off. At least I know where this one came from!
No comments:
Post a Comment