Reason #2 I have a husband

I explained reason #1 for me to have my husband in a previous post, although I did not label it as such.  Reason #1 is because having a husband means I almost always have a spider killer at my disposal.  Reason #2 is that I am afraid of the dark and have an over-active imagination.

Last night husband got to go spend the night at a sleep clinic because his snores are starting to wake the neighbors and I'm tired of buying earplugs.  Before leaving he commented that I would probably sleep great because he would not be next to me making the wall vibrate, and I have to admit, I almost believed him.  But then I realized it would be my first night alone in our house.  The animals don't count because the dog is going deaf and sleeps harder than a narcoleptic alcoholic and cats are crazy.  I thought, mind over matter, I would be able to convince myself that I am an adult, the doors are all locked and the likelihood of a serial killer choosing the one night I was home alone to randomly attack me are pretty slim.  I was not able to convince myself of any such things.

I stayed up really late, thinking that would cause me to fall instantly asleep when I turned the lights off, and walked through the whole house and checked windows and doors so that my brain wouldn't be able to suggest the possibility that the door wasn't actually locked and that's not just the furnace making that noise.  You can guess by that last run-on sentence that those things didn't work.  I think I may have slept 2 hours last night?  At one point, I think I was actually asleep, but I was dreaming that I was laying in bed, not asleep but with my eyes closed and I was hearing someone walking around.  In the dream I finally convinced myself that I might actually be hearing something scary so I got up to let the dog out and when I got to the back door I realized it wasn't latched!  So that's when I think I actually stopped sleeping.  I had to actually get up and re-check everything and then proceeded to wake up every time the furnace kicked on or off, the dog shifted her position, a car drove by, and one of the cats made a noise.  It was a long night.

So despite husbands intense snoring, and likely sleep apnea, and the fact that he sleeps deeper than the dog and the likelihood of him hearing a serial killer and having the capacity to do anything about it as he sleepily stumbles about is even less than me convincing myself that there is not an alien zombie ghost in the hallway, I have decided that reason #2 for having a husband, is that he is someone warm in bed next to me and his snoring presence allows me to put earplugs in my ears and not hear anything that may or may not be creeping around my house.